J.'s Place

Reports like this one following the discussion, correspondingly don't always mention the full scale of consequences caused by these reforms, for the political, economical and social climate. There is a hidden reality besides the demonstrations and main positions. This is what my quick entry here tries.

The dominant aspect remain low-income jobs, while the indirect effects esp. in unemployment burden the climate in Germany.

The policies are infamous for using an enemy image vaguely projected on unemployed people. This builds upon a conspiracy theory perhaps to translate as "unexplainable psychosocial degeneration" within the individuals, for whom in reality there simply are no jobs sufficient in number in order to employ them. State-media kinda stigmatized minorities since the 1990s, distracting from reality. A bit distasteful considered German history, bureaucracy and new "reeducation companies" claim to discipline+break the unemployed in order to "make them want to work at all". So it's less about reduced income, and more depressing for society as a whole, when people reflect the probability they may become unemployed and be treated like that, too.

Quite normal people have lost their homes and landed on the streets due to falsely cancelled social aid/bureaucratic bullying. These now frequent the entries of supermarkets and shopping centres, lowering the sales of businesses because customers feel uncomfortable. Judges complain a new reality in German courts, where colleagues simply point to the lower status of simple employees or unemployed. Due to "the new political line as society's convention", civil rights wouldn't exist anymore for "known to be degenerates" who could be grateful and nothing more. This is basically replacing the presumption of innocence as a principle of law. Bad behavior e.g. of street gangs is not only being tolerated (as long as they signal to be obedient in case of doubt), but also encouraged by the regime, because the more annoyances, the better one can drop any last due diligence in authorities, esp. with different-looking people = potential scapegoats.

Also, youth has been disrooted, when 16-year olds were declared "potentially disturbed" by social pedagogues who had no psychological training whatsoever which would allow such conclusions. But these again are well-mannered minorities, while the most arrange themselves and find ways to maybe even profit from the pedagogic attention. However, disrupted CVs due to unemployment phases remain a growing problem. A dangerous consequence of this "climate of fear" the humanists call it, is the risk for new extremism from the left and conspiracy theorists, which both meanwhile won the hearts and minds of disappointed Germans.

It is not intention here to label things 'Nazi', since many in the past were falsely accused/elite at a difficult point of time, and the left generally overplays this card. Just, the current climate is hard to describe without pointing to the ideologic similarities and what that can mean. In Germany, attributes like "young, dynamic, career etc." are repeated quite often, it reminds of dark chapters in history.

As said, it is difficult to list any aspects, as there is no real open discussion, and radical demonstrations make it difficult. While the average German has less to spend, it is the other factors which people feel most disturbing. The conception will be successful on short hand, but the damage done to minorities come to surface lateron. If one would engage that, would also have to control that bureaucracy doesn't hide behind ideology. The positive effect is darkened by increased costs for institutions, and the lesser buying power. To follow further, would make this blog entry too long.

Most of my stuff was intense (and in part needed long research), and currently I'm in an oatmeal phase for $ reasons - the life-standard is too low for this kind of hard work. Tomorrow I may get some money back from someone so it will be easier, but still, for mental hygiene reasons (I mean: staying optimistic, not psychological probs) I have to limit online work.

This I'm doing consequently. Yesterday I cancelled an application for employment, because the company wanted too much trial work though already convinced and very pleased by one day testing me - in call centres, these insecurities can mean nothing will ever be good enough/you being constantly compared to low-quality external sales forces. And what I seek is a job where excellent work will be enough and not lead to further pressure, so that I can follow my political career beneath.

I'd describe it this way: When the circumstances around your life become intrusive, you still can blog entertaining (if not too negative) portraits of that, many do so successfully at the price to accept the status quo. But what I want is enabling change, and that means positive energy and to avoid anything people may see as accepting your life-circumstances, when actually you want to break out of those scenarios and this hopeful message of freedom is all over your project. I believe it is necessary in life to limit the influence of things you cannot control esp. if they hold you back, and so be able to take more time for real life contacts, and email-replies which got short, lately.

As this is such a well-visited place, I have a bad conscience about letting it stay long as it is. For some time now I'm blogging at Pinboard's to give something to readers when little to find here. Btw. the update-page will embed all places with inline-frames; if you don't use RSS you can also bookmark this link.

I also want to start again with friends-only postings - if you are a frequent visitor who likes me/what I do, please consider befriending. That requires an account, but LiveJournal's alias-policy is very nice if you want to hide your real name and stay anonymously. =)

If you want to have the same as me here, or peek a bit how things look on the other side: these are updated! =)*

addon-lists
folder with the zipped configs

PS: I moved back to Windows XP for a while/needed change (9 May 10:45 CET>added selection/Windows software).

I really feel bad about not updating for such a long time; had doubts about my project in recent weeks, went through everything, and feel it was worth it. But yes, I'd like to avoid that.

Now it's: I'm working on this big project of a social networking community, and don't know yet where to realize it. Oxwall's software has all the features, but I can't afford the hosting, and Wall.fm (same, but as online service) like most alternatives I checked, doesn't comply yet with the International Safe Harbor Privacy Principles. Since I would handle personally identifyable information about others, as an EU/German citizen I cannot allow myself to disregard this aspect.

Pro-Hosting costs several hundred $/month, even a VPS lies at 50$/m which I just can't afford (yeah it's ridiculous, but find a job in Germany when member of a minority). That's why I'll test Vikuit which doesn't have the same feature-set, but would run at a price where I could set daily goals even with higher traffic. (7 May: it will be Oxwall, but I first have to find support/business people whom it will hurt less if they donate; would bug me if ordinary people because these kinds of expenses are too high and I don't take donations of that kind, am ~sensitive about this)

So that's what will be my work next days/prio #1. You can check a preview of what I want (don't enter real data, yet, but the colors, and form fields), the second link leads to the other script's preview page, till I have set mine up:

activists.wall.fm/join (7 May: won't be further updated, because it would need software devs, and again that requires fundraising which I'll do in a few days)
demo.vikuit.com

What room should questions have when it comes to such tragedies? And who should ask them?

It feels kinda dispensable to blog about this, considered that decades, engaged jurists already fought for more realistic scientific analysis of cases where ordinary people had senselessly gone on the rampage. The public sees how many 'normal' people behave nowadays throw around with terms they don't really mean, or know anything about. It's certainly not as if everyone was "speechless" after what happened, instead there has been a lot of cynical undertone considered the overall climate in the particular country.

People are tired of the question "why", and seek answers instead. - What an "obvious" explanation for Breivik's deed could be, e.g. that he got anxious because of 16 year-olds engaging in politics, mixed with all-too convenient ultraconservative blabbering against multicultural decay and the "threat" of Islamic culture - which was a pattern of some commentators in the 2000s, so could potentially have sounded somewhat "acceptable" to a troubled mind? -- People would expect science to ask such; bloggers don't get paid and have no official mandate, so they just point out that these questions already circulate.

Glenn Beck's a bit cold-hearted appearing comment what the hell these young people had to do on this island, expressed a frustration? It's the first thing they silently asked back then: “who does a camp for kids that’s all about politics? Disturbing.” (sic) Ideological mobbing promoted by youth organizations actually can lead to injustice in later life, killing with words and prejudices, yes. Noone's sayin' this is the case, just it makes people wonder what the heck politics age 12-16 should be good for - but then again, they changed their mind and so: what good for, or how honest were they + should their questions be seriously considered?

What's for sure, everyone knows that to care too much about politics (considered the influence of parties who often own the discussions) is likely a fruitless and ugly field. Many seem overloaded doing so, and quite a few more or less will snap at some point. You know these people online with their fast opinions about politics which then have nothing to do with what really would matter to their own little lifes; but it's not so different to what they experienced at school. - There already is a kind of silent awareness about haters - if you want to call it that.

Can we believe Breivik will face an honest trial which would open him up to reflect on his brutal deed and explain what slowly drove him into his pamphlet and fatal rage? Because, he'll likely throw around with extremist views, right? Will the style chosen be able to prevent him from hiding behind this mask?

Coming out of this hole (4 days Easter), I ate a lot junk food for binging, and now feel half-way fine, again. In the morning first I walked to a closeby supermarket + bought some white chocolate, to smoothen my overacided stomach.

On Friday, Facebook finally deleted my stuff, and Saturday was the death of the 2010+ Twitter-account; I still have all old tweets. It was a good experience, e.g. very nice when some liked my profile on the 'best of Augsburg'-list. <3
In the end, the decision fell against continuing because the amount of 'career'-related follow requests there depressed me. I understand that this is a phrase people maybe have to use like 'motivation'/coaching services as it sells, but I have too much negative impressions from university times.
Also, I felt that Twitter did too little to compensate the disadvantages high-quality/lyrical tweets face, when the main Twitter promotions accentuated e.g. mostly sports and big-party events. Of course understandable from their point of view as today's social network-marketing relies on the pure mass of tweets + this generates it. However, I found the number of visitors for not mainstream-related stuff to decrease in 2011, anyway.
In the future, I want to part sooner than before with things which didn't work out for me. Facebook was a disaster of people fearing to connect with their real names, and bullying, their abuse-team a joke. The only mainstream community profile I'll keep is on Myspace, while LiveJournal due to the anonymity is more valuable than ever to me. I want 1 place for each function, pinboard.in for bookmarks, and no synchronization anymore. People subscribe what they like.

This leads to an old roadworks: I'll be working again on a compressed basic entry which tells people both in English and German (1) how to set up a safe system (2) stay anonymous on the internet and (3) to contact in private. I took some steps in this direction, but never had time to do it right and give a full picture about this complicated thing of expectations/anonymity when contacting a person you don't yet know. Noone did so far, though you'd expect such information to be standard for human rights-pages, like the mailbutton-clipart in the early times.

Also, a mighty German (maybe translated) blog will compare 'urban legends'/stories to the 'crazies'-theme. Where is the dividing line between useful activism and insanity/disturbance? We all have limited space/tolerancy in our lifes for openness, and some just get on our nerves. However we're not sure how to judge and don't want to be intolerant.
Additionally, a lot of people I spoke to were scared about psychiatry/political disappearance, and even in a free Western country like Germany fear of such nature is a main factor in the decision how engaged or not one lives her/his life. So that will be explained in detail. The text got to be good>Friday the earliest.

I found there are many things you can have fun with in activism and haven't yet tried. It's important to remind oneself of this in phases where one feels down, gives a lot energy. I hadn't continued university networking, and quite a lot of nice existing material lying around which would require it.

Then, I could do a cool initiative in a field most important to me (LGBT-scene), as in Germany e.g. Transgender currently nearly all are unemployed due to prejudices/work space, due to lack of liberal education in the school system. I want to do a little campaign in the timework-sector and have a basic page people can link to which informs about the problem; but this is not to expect before next 2 weeks.
On Sunday, as a little experiment preparing this, I wrote a draft which may become an idea for minority candidates in job applications, reacting to the bad political climate. A realistic summary of your job-life covering all the usual questions during a job-interview in just 2/3 of a page. Mailed in advance of talks, so the elephants should be out of the room. Most TS/andros have been fired and had unemployment several times in their active life, so you make out of that a common theme, and wrap things up. Otherwise you have to tell it on the phone, or in person, where it's harder to give the main points.

My private life. Today I met a nice neighbour who lived here till 2006, and we talked for about an hour standing at the Augsburg city centre called Königsplatz ('king's square') chatting about life, such became rare here, esp. between young and old (25 yrs. age difference, normal-looking/alternative; like on the 'Test the West!' tobacco ads).
At home, I mostly watch free documentaries on YouTube; I'm a person who enjoys conversation, and when you had little for a while, interviews e.g. on France24 and movies on real life sometimes are just what you need. :)

Many deem 'liberal' poets prone to convenient shortcuts. Often true, at times unfair. But when they dare to criticise only up to a certain complexity easy to sell to audiences, they indeed build on a 'common sense' responsible for injustice elsewhere.

The original poem "Was gesagt werden muss" uses conservative terms of the court system, ones which people link to 'killing with words' - phrases to help assumptions be considered 'proven'. I clipboarded them into this listing:

• vermutet = suspected
• untersage = to enjoin sb. from s.th.
• Potential = potential, ~smelling like: Gefahrenpotenzial = hazard potential
• außer Kontrolle = out of control
• keiner Prüfung zugänglich = not accessible for investigation (elevated)
• dieses Tatbestandes = of that statement of facts (effectful genitive)
• belastende Lüge = incriminating lie
• Zwang = compulsion
• mißachtet = violated, in German more like: disobeyed
• geläufig = common (often used to pretend as if the world how it is was in order + injustices neglectable/unproven/nonsense)
• zur Rede gestellt = to be tackled by sb.
• allesvernichtende = 'everything-devastating' (overstated, heroic)
• unbewiesen = unproven
• Beweiskraft = cogency of proof
• Makel behaftet = deficient, in German like 'afflicted with taint'
• Tatsache = facts (often used in court letters, ~'this requires facts not fiction', as if the citizen was dumb)
• zuzumuten = not undignified to undertake s.th.
• gefährdet = endangered
• belastet = affected by 'incriminating evidence'
• Zulieferer eines Verbrechens = subcontractor to a crime
• voraussehbar = foreseeable
• Mitschuld = complicity
• üblichen Ausreden = usual excuses
• Verursacher = perpetrator
• erkennbaren Gefahr = recognizable danger, reminds of 'danger at hand'/infamous Gefahr im Verzuge
• zum Verzicht auf Gewalt auffordern = demand to renunciate of (the use of) force like German unterlassen
• permanente Kontrolle = permanent control
• Instanz = resort (like legal 'last resort')
• Wahn = delusions
• zu helfen = to help, more like Nazi-term betreuen/Betreuung = guidance in the sense of 'psychosocial care'

Of course, poets are expected to play with such (satire/irony), however not as if it was normal. Alone by the style, one can understand why Israel declared Guenter Grass a 'persona non grata'. He shows it as being guilty of crimes; not acceptable considered what happened in history and was justified by accusations.

To be fair on this: That particular style can be a sign of depression (compare to the political climate and new racism in Germany). Also, Grass hinted to physical health issues due to high age, and it seems there were other attacks on him which may have little or nothing to do with the topic.
Maybe rather than judging, we should ask to what degree old hate and too conservative wording has become common to the German poet scene. At college, you saw fellow students collecting these 'successful' phrases, and our school system harbours the prejudiced style, as a rhetoric means. Activism is plagued by it; when people are desperate they tie to this style of accusations in the hope to be heared despite modern ignorance.

It is true that critics often have been unfairly labeled anti-Semitic (by non-Jewish commentators) - a scheme of mobbing which also subtly mocks historical awareness. However, without mentioning this fine difference, accuses themselves become a conspiracy theories, as if Jews declared others anti-Jewish in order to destroy their reputation.

The overall role of the lyrical persona in Grass's poem (truth-seeker/'blowing the whiste') is too heroic, one suspects there were quite other things playing into this, which haven't been mentioned. - In a way, one can see this as the reduced complexity some dislike liberal authors for.

____
Btw., I don't really enjoyed this entry. Those of the 1970s years who disliked parallel-'Generation X' (career-greed, false journalism), felt self-critical authors potentially being used as a container, in the sense that this discourages people from their dreams. We believed that humans can be innocent. So you should be picky on the time you spend, because you're not the one who needs this, and deserve more.

The other day I checked my statements of account; since I moved to Apps for Business, I worried that the old account's Google Checkout could still be active and cause me trouble lateron/billing when my credit card empty. So I made a list of everything, which gives a little insight>choices for activism. :)


Statcounter (webtracker, entry level)
LiveJournal (paid account here)
SmugMug (online galleries, normal acct.)
SwissVPN (virtual private network, with firewall)
VyprVPN (same as above, used that before but can't afford currently)
Ubuntu One (cloud storage subscription, till recently)
Memopal (file storage; not yet, on my list for next few months)
Hushmail (PGP-compatible email account; moved it all to Google Apps now)
HostDime (if I still had a classical homepage, I'd be hosting there)
Namecheap (service to register domains, also with great support and features)
Google Space+Apps (more space normal acct., and G. Apps since Feb.)
Pinboard (bookmark manager, archival account)
LastPass (password manager)

CDBaby (shop for download-music)
7digital (", my favorite one)

more

For several weeks, again I had somewhat melancholic (the artsy type, not depression) mood; then I avoid to update. Most regular visitors check on the news-page and not via RSS-feed; I hope they're not disappointed. If > a good technique to overlook such is to reflect the direction of a blog. I'm sure they already know that; it's not a project like others with just one cause, but tries to build a new framework for activism from scratch, without shortcuts. * I want to talk a bit about joblife; someone recently asked me about this, to better estimate, and for me it's the sole obstacle. Being able to buy images online for this blog, mailings... For transgenders (I mean andro-style at the work place, not transvestite), the big problem remains that in the current social climate you are likely unemployed. The experiences during job search are usually depressing. When the recruiters are young ones lacking education and realism, androgyne appearance is being confused with "alternative", or druggie. In Germany, ++ don't read CVs seriously - here it's the other way around: You tell your story, and they interrupt you at gaps, often like a dog snapping at your hand. You have to explain, and if you're good, that will only trigger more suspicions. So you sit there and watch *crazy recruiter* dissecting - who doesn't realize the slightest that you are well aware of her/his estimations. These inform themselves mainly from the likes of BR alpha (career-education TV), which presents a view on life as if appearance said everything about a person. British recruiters you talked to were surprised about the German colleagues' long for pictures - in the UK simply not the main criteria, but here it is. The best way to deal with prejudices is to be open ~directly; one refers to "as it's known in the industry". By that I mean e.g. the ever-present VoIP-problems in telemarketing getting people cancelled (not tranny joblife probs which are something you avoid, except of course when the recruiter would otherwise label you a junkie). In that case you shortly mention the occasional discrimination of androgyne ppl/that it's not easy to find a job due to this, which explains the gap. But I prefer to speak about the difficulty when you want to do something else for a while, which is quite usual for call centre agents. My last experience was so typical; an timework-agency disregarded me (hope they didn't blacklist) - in our telephone interview, the contractor's recruiter said he expected one to wear a tie, and I carefully said "look, I can't do that you know why, but I like business clothing and behavior; I assure you to wear a neutral [unisex] jacket and decent shirt". But again, I had to say it five times, and she didn't even listen once, just labeled me as generally "refusing" to wear business clothing, each time, as if she was in another telephone interview. %) That's how German gov. propaganda works, they believe to know because they heared it 100.000 times on the state radio. The clothing-thing is an aspect one occasionally experiences in Munich; some companies seem to pose as "conservative" by clothing alone they expect you to wear - while their culture is contrary. If you read the job descriptions, you know it's a sweatshop, promising "we fulfill sales quota and no excuses!!" and "emotional addressing of [B2B!] customers" = telephone terror. * However, it is important to me to reach a better income situation, so throughout March again I gave everything to find a job, and it did cost a hell lot of money, and melancholy. On the positive side of the mess, this encourages my project. Here to stay + become big, I promise. You can expect more in the following months; it is likely the only way out of this messed-up situation. Currently I'm working on a mini-study which will compress experiences, statistics and tricks of activism. This will help in networking, but it got to be good. I will also do a lot of networking>science. My weak point is graphics/design, I'm burned out, here. And too many rely on me to do it all alone, so it takes like forever. * If you want to see what it's really like on the other side, call me somewhen (Skype with my old name joerg_schlueter) or email when you want to chat, e.g. on Myspace. Expect an andro-person; noone likes it when trannies disguise their voice, not even me. And I'm broke, I don't have much stuff. It's much easier for me than blogging. I won't talk about what we discussed. If you PM me here on LiveJournal, you can use a pseudonyme and stay anonymous. Sometimes it takes a few days to answer, but otherwise can you really be sure if the goals are equal to yours? Just ask if you have a question. * Today was like a mirror of my difficulties last month, failure has much to do with overall comfort in life. Friends helped me, and now my turn came as they have trouble to get over this month. Taking this into account, I bought rather cheap shoes. I never have more than one pair, this is how I still like it, freedom like the guy with one pair of jeans at the laundry lol. So I throw away the old ones which had a broken sole and did hurt since weeks. But the new ones were also faulty, and Saturday I walked myself a blood blister on both knuckles. Today, I had an early doctor's appointment at 8am, and being late due to an aching stomach (you know my probs with eating disorder, I ate carrots with too much mustard on Sunday, this overacided), I had to run, and it hurt. That is what I fear, these little devil's circles which leave you feeling down, and trigger each other. It's a kind of dark magic, one got to be careful with it Later I would go to Deichmann's, return the shoes which had a big matter+blood spot inside (funny situation at the cash desk lol), and - get a new pair of massive skater-shoes with solid sole, like I prefer these, and at 20€ instead of 60. =) The opened blisters aren't really painful anymore, and I could even speedwalk+jump a bit, lateron. * The title of this blog entry's not actually meant depressed; "Bloody knuckles" was a Switchblade Symphony song from their first album "Serpentine Gallery", Gothic pop I adore and rediscovered on my computer the past few weeks. <3

Can't translate this/too tight. I mirror this thread-intro here for people interested in analysis, who usually take the original version and translate for themselves.

It tries to define the difficult standing for minorities in Germany, esp. gothic culture, in a ~cynical way (in order to defeat trivial prejudices such texts usually attract).

*

Hi,
dies ist der erste Eintrag/neues Profil (bin schon länger dabei mit anderem Alias, will diese Dinge trennen).

Ich glaub das hier muß man nicht groß einleiten. - Seit den ja wirklich superkompetent ;) durchgezogenen 'Reformen' zur Abhärtung des Landes, sind Minderheiten bekanntermaßen ziemlich unter Druck gekommen. An der Wohlstandsgesellschaft und Anspruchshaltung vieler Durchschnittsmenschen hat sich dabei rein gar nichts geändert, man reicht die Schuld einfach weiter und reklamiert das Gute für sich. "Jung, dynamisch und innovativ" sehen Gothics leider meist nicht aus und sie beanspruchen das auch nicht 100x pro Tag. Die hundsgemeine Selektion von Stories in vielen Lokalmedien (Andersartigkeit mit linken Spinnerdemos oder Perversen-/Satanistenstories in einen Topf geworfen für die Hefe) geht auch zu unseren Lasten. Und, wenn Hiphopper im Berufsleben damit prahlen, sie als 'Macher' ;) wüßten, daß Frau Merkel nur das sagen dürfe was die Wirtschaft wolle (und wer diese Einsicht so dreist nicht kundtue sei doch wohl wirtschaftsfeindlich gesinnt...), kommen sie mit der Masche durch und steigen auf - aber der Wahnsinn dieses neuen Prahlertums wird sich anderswo entladen. Anonymous/WikiLeaks setzten dann noch eins drauf: Dürfen auch zuviel, um dann verwurstet zu werden/zu zeigen, daß Andersartigkeit ja wohl Theater sein müsse, oder um Kritik einen linken Beigeschmack zu geben, womit sich das Ganze sodenn von selbst deklassiert.

Kurzum, immer mehr von uns haben beruflich einen schweren Stand dank ungebildeter Kollegen, und das bedeutet ja letztlich nur allzu oft Mobbing/Stellenverlust, und dann lange Arbeitslosigkeit. Halt je nach Familien-$ und Vitamin B-Netzwerk. Ich leb in Augsburg, das Klima hier ist echt übel, und Viele können nicht mehr erfüllt leben. Natürlich sagt es sich leicht, daß Du untertags halt was anderes tragen kannst, aber darum geht es ja nichtmal, sondern um das grundsätzliche Problem, daß die schwarze Szene (vielleicht als eine von wenigen verbliebenen Subkulturen) noch Werte transportiert, und man den Leuten diesen "Makel" eben ansieht, egal wie sie sich verstellen.

Welche Wege sind möglich, um das Klima zu lindern, ohne dabei in eine politische Richtung zu kommen? Kann gotische Kultur reagieren, und welche Methoden bieten sich an/wie ließe sich wirksam weiterer Schaden verhindern? Was ist realistisch?

Sorry für die Länge, aber ich wollte das komplette Bild bringen, was sicher nicht Wenige hier mögen werden. :)
lG/J.

It's Sunday, and I'm up since 7am. Needs a few hours music and Youtube to really get into the day/positive mood; that of course is a bit long. I'm in a ~poor phase, spend towards 1/3 of what I got to live from, on my internet project, another third on health, and that leaves little for good style to start with video podcasting, or sufficient print work. Self-exploitation you can do for roughly 5 years, like most of us out there you may have more, and your priority then has to be a half-way sufficient lifestyle.

What regards that, this month I could only buy two nice things: the (out of print) DVD of The Crow 3 Salvation (my favorite one in the trilogy/most realistic) and the album Lullabies In A Glass Wilderness (mp3> CDBaby/128K, 7digital/now 320K; doesn't matter to me, as I'll get the CD, lateron). Something one can listen to as well when feeling down, it will always lift up.

Have big plans for this year. The climate in Germany has become subtle racist in a way (affluent society-politics seeking excuses by blaming minorities) that Gothics e.g. and whomever looks "somehow different" due to spread prejudices are just being disconsidered, everywhere. So it can only be a 'political career' for me. I hate politics, it won't be that but ppl call it this way. I grumbled long time about this dividing line between gothic scene and engagement. - At the moment, the way I see it to fight is a question of survival, the climate otherwise will only get worse. Many in the scene are loosing their identity; certainly not a wrong impression. Dark culture shouldn't be something you lateron say is just an accessoire of youth, however exactly this interpretation became dominant, and that worries most.

1. After you installed the operating system, the only internet connection you make is for patching your system, be it Windows Update or Debian's dist upgrade-command “apt-get update && apt-get dist-upgrade -y”. When this is finished, you restart your computer, and if necessary (Windows) check again if you're up-to-date.
2. Make sure to enable the software firewall and automatic updates, if your system features that.
3. Then set up the connection to an encrypted VPN which provides a software-firewall, as VPNs usually give direct access to the internet without your router's hardware firewall. You find providers here > 1 2, ones known to have the functionality are PureVPN, IAPS VPN, VyprVPN and SwissVPN (source). Check legislation and choose the one with a privacy policy you like. [I currently use SwissVPN since I’m broke and also like Swiss privacy laws. VyprVPN was also recommendable/OpenVPN in Ubuntu]
4. Unless you open any file, now you can visit sites. If you use Windows, first (!) download and install an realtime antivirus scanner; in case of no $ at least use the free Microsoft Security Essentials, that should keep you safe. In Linux, you occasionally check your system with Clamscan. If reboot required, do so. Only after a full scan of all data, you can work with files on your new system.
5. As to software you need: Exclusively install trustworthy software. Don't use freeware unless you personally know the developer or have enough hints she/he is a real person and not a fake identity e.g. set up by secret service/police. Don't just rely on software archives which have a trendy name so “people trust it”. If you want perfect security, only use well-known commercial software packages by real companies (with decent privacy policy etc.), or opensource-applications with a strong community of developers behind it. Always carefully check the internet address of acknowledged software-archives and company sites you download from; also (even for the operating system) in human rights activism you may want to use something from developers abroad, I mean if closeness between software company and factions you dislike, are known (don't get too paranoid).
6. Put much effort into a secure setup of your webbrowser, and limit average site's access to plugins. If your system has Sun Java, deinstall it because there are known security holes. “java -version” gives out if one is installed. Check at Adobe's if you use the newest Flash.
7. Of course that’s not all. But, from avoiding the main software-related mistakes (hardware: check for key loggers etc.) what this listing is for, the only point left is: Don’t send confidential email unencrypted or without being logged into a site which uses SSL for all data. You may want to use a password manager like these. Change all important passwords, monthly.

Along with LiveJournal <3 (we all love the style, here), I needed a social network of that kind. - On the weekend set up my _-profile from scratch; hope you like it. I missed My_ so much! =)

Still working on little details; it's a lot I have to catch up with. E.g. want to have a link create a new message here, from the contact page of my website. For this have asked support, so that I can be sure that following the link will lead to the message actually being sent via SSL lateron, which is of course important in activism. I couldn't find anything about that in the help pages, but it looks like this is possible, and would be a nice feature which attracts people for a more social connection. I always fear to disappoint, being kinda "..@_ slow>new features.

Also, set up an entry on my site telling few hints how to easily use PGP if they want. This is minimalism, not sure about it.

'The' library-system so far kept out the internet - except when some wanted new computers? lol
I asked quite a few people there via email if they know a solution to this 'existence problem'; never got an answer. Publishing? Yeah, if it’s paper they can administer? Websites have an hyperlinked structure - not that it were a problem in the digital age, but they cling to a refusal hard to justify (come one, a few strict rules and submission fees would keep out any possible junk). When at the very same time you enable people to surf the internet in your library, which makes it hip and secures permanent posts which otherwise wouldn't be defendable.

So, just imagine something happens to you. Whatever>pneumonia, heart-attack, car accident, unpleasant encounter with a baseball-bat... 2-3 months at most, and your credit card is empty. Then webhosting will soon stop, search engines may cache few more months. Doesn’t make much difference if you paid yearly, then it’s gone a bit later and also as if it never existed. Wayback machine? Great project, but so far not indexed, don't know how to ensure that it will be on time for my decay, will it be complete and no documents on GApps? But the only way, and you know how difficult funding such a project is, respect. I might donate there this year. - Friends? If this strange thing ever landed on an hard-drive, then most likely deleted by nasty Malware or theft, somewhen. *Burnt = deceased in 5-10 years CDs/DVDs*. Filesharing? Noone tried that yet, you can’t be a pioneer on that field without $/energy, and it will never be officially acknowledged, relies on few people who carry it, you know how such ends.

Strange but true, till you have planted *pressed = $ you haven’t got* CDs (which make it a few years longer) to some political archives > not much to hope for in terms of the files’ survival.

Whatever, I'm a scepticist. That here’s my little insurance, till I found a better solution. I have a ~nice activist website, something which normally never happens. < E.g. proving that a lot of people try something new and non-egoistic even in the most unlikely circumstances, which is always being questioned as unprobable by ++social science.

regular download page
in case other accounts discontinue, earlier > hp files folder

If you're a committed person (not the type who claims 200x a day to be a "young-dynamic-innovative-modern-flexible-and-creative teamplayer 0:-)"), you may find it hard after 2-3 years with few continuous jobs, to explain your CV. Today's job market is dominated by sometimes racist interpretations of career-ideology, by young recruiters who don't know any other criteria than *how young=caring about yourself* you look.
Me e.g., I want to make it into politics some day and just can't work illegally in call centres, and so by hesitating/asking if there's no other way, first, regularly got myself into trouble with young superiors. Or how the not working VoIP-telephone system did havoc to you and your team's sales quota, getting people fired... - but tell such to a recruiter! X) For them rather a sign of low motivation, and negative energy. ;)

This is a draft for all who have those little gaps (which make you an honest person) in their life careers. <3 I link this from my Monster-page so I don't have to justify myself for the same stupid questions every time.

*

Dear recruiters,

this is my Google-Site for job-applications, soon feat. a nice weblog on impressions and s.t. frustrations coming along when applying for jobs in today's Germany.

My Name is ..., I live in the ... district of ... [city], was a call centre agent and now mainly work on the phone>inside sales (B2B), though I search in other directions, too.

A seperate part of my life is social commitment and politics. - In case I wouldn't find a job, I'll still have a career, there, so I keep my options open. Despite the ideologizing chatter of many folks, today, such persons like us are usually the only ones who follow the rule of *no politics in the work place!*. Of course, we're used to be inflateously accused of the opposite, the well-known form of mobbing these days - in fun society, it's easy to paint responsible acting people as "somehow suspicious". That is the reason why we're unemployed.

Target audience of this weblog are recruiters and businessmen who enjoy openness these crazy times. I have searched in a *restraint, always friendly and respectful* way for 4 years now - but many time-work companies stave you off till they can remark that you are unemployed for *soooo long* and there just got to be "something" about you for that... %) and maybe it's just you're "somehow different". That's their "analysis" for everything. - Judgement today can be most cheap+relentless. You rarely met recruiters who actually know how to use their email client, and CVs weren't read usually, they just flipped through happy pictures, and who didn't have model-style just isn't committed enough?

This here is an attempt to do it the other way around, to the pleasure of like-minded potential employers. I look forward to your feedback how you like these pages. :)

*

Send me your suggestions how to improve this.^^

German original:

Liebe Personalreferent(inn)en,

das hier ist meine Google-Seite für Bewerbungen, bald mit einem netten Weblog¹ über Eindrücke und 'Frust' entlang der Stellensuche in unserer Zeit.

Mein Name ist ..., ich lebe im ..., war Callcenter-Agent und bin heute hauptsächlich Telefonist wo es in Richtung Innenvertrieb geht (Akquise B2B, oder Hotlines für Vertriebspartner). Ich suche daneben aber auch in anderen Bereichen, halt was sich so an interessanten Chancen findet.

Warum viel gute Bewerber arbeitslos sind? - In dieser Stadt ist die Zeitung Augsburger Allgemeine dominant im Mediensektor. Sie macht Auflage, indem sie *heile Lokalwelt* und *als 'chaotisch'/asozial beschriebene Minderheiten* polemisch gegenüberstellt. -> Alle, die auch nur etwas nach Subkultur aussehen, treffen Vorurteile... X)
Wer in schwierigen Familienverhältnissen aufwuchs, für den ist ein Teil seines Lebens soziales Engagement. Das aber wird heute dann wegen der schlechten Presse gern unbewußt als 'links' interpretiert. Dabei sind sie meist die Einzigen, die noch strikt den Grundsatz *keine Politik am Arbeitsplatz!* beherzigen, und am Telefon stets B2B-Etikette einhalten.

Zielgruppe dieses Weblogs sind Personaler und Unternehmer, die etwas Offenheit als wohltuend empfinden. Ich hab vorher 4 Jahre zurückhaltend gesucht, wo man 'Lücken' im Lebenslauf, die auf das schlechte Klima zurückgehen, sehr dezent umschreibt - und von Zeitarbeitsfirmen in der Regel nur ewig hingehalten wird, um sich dann anhören zu müssen, soooo lange ;) schon arbeitslos oder "doch wohl irgendwie anders" zu sein. Ich hab dabei kaum Recruiter kennengelernt, die wenigstens mit Email umgehen konnten, und die Lebensläufe wurden praktisch nie gelesen. Nette HRler kriegen wie manche sagten regelmäßig die Krätze, wenn sie mitbekommen, was ihre Kollegen so unter 'Personalvermittlung' verstehen.

Das hier ist ein Versuch, es andersrum aufzuziehen. Ich freue mich über Feedback dazu.

In the past 2 weeks I migrated everything into the cloud. A spontaneous decision back then. I mostly felt the whole thing to be ++consuming. Sorted chronologically -> who's got enough time to read through all that?! :X

Then I ran into various technical difficulties (my fault), some of whom I collected, here. Lost weeks, but in the end I'm quite happy about the results so far, except that I hate ~disappearing. Otherwise, I hope friends know they can ask me when they're unsure about the status.

Now I have an experimental index of all longer blogs. =) It's not more than a draft, yet makes it easier to find things.

There is no standard or convention for such in blogger culture. Still feels strange 10+ years after its invention. I mean, every blog should have a place where you can assemble your navigation, right? Maybe also one reason why books have little chance to be influential nowadays, that there are no free short snippets with the main thesis people could refer to (link)? At least that's what most feedback I get points to; not sure about this, but they are on the search how to give culture they like a longer lasting impact. Currently, it all pretty much seems an endless stream difficult to handle.

Feedbundle, downloads etc. are newly generated; if you subscribed these please update (link). I'll add more in the upcoming days, for now I'm just tired, and glad the craziness of two weeks fixing broken links etc. is over/need more distance.^^

Occupy Protesters Swarm US Capitol in Washington
http://www.voanews.com/english/news/usa/Occupy-Protesters-Swarm-US-Capitol-in-Washington-137499143.html


("...Occupy Berlin!" etc./17-01) Many ppl in Germany wished our government did more against Occupy/Anonymous. It pumps a lot money into this scene via state-funded leftist student unions, allegedly to neutralize far-right extremism. To us in (real) human rights activism, it feels more like a bad joke: Occupy can terrorize the public, but other groups will face the prejudices for it. Sometimes this seems like some German government people were on the other side and Occupy helps them to crush us.

It's difficult to tell what regular visitors want: some only essential blogs, others even what you bookmark/post in forums etc.. For these, recently I set up an account at Pinboard's.

Here on LJ I only post things which represent a longer time-span, to keep it honest and without exploiting life too much. I believe that one has to accept limitations (s.t. you need to take time off/more lifestyle), and kind of fear these blogs which promote themselves by daily postings. It's no shame when things discontinue for a while, in alternative projects.

You can see the concern in the strange update-page of my site. We Germans also have the problem to publish in a foreign language, because nearly all feedback we get is from overseas. Btw. maybe some people are too hard on globalization, it's also an opportunity to not overwork national culture (not to force it into everyday life), but to live in it only when you find a pure form.

And a chapter of your existence may not be representative for what you want. I'm currently doing networking>unknown artists, and seek cooperation, that needs time. What I've done so far is a bit like basic science (against what they say how youth/subculture normally defines itself e.g. in its relationship to the education system), needs to be filled with life.

Later I will add old some entries back from 2007-10. I hope they don't appear as new in LiveJournal's friends page/RSS.

From next week on I'll be campaigning. More like > you have big plans for a subcultural project, and along with that hope to recover parts of your private life lost since 4 years.

It's about generation rights, in the sense of two generations at a time, one being close to what you believe in. Friends I know/like here in Augsburg are all ~down, but weakness can lead to something new.

English excerpt: This text is for a human rights mailing; it tries to build trust, by formally naming common false assessments about activism: (1) that lobbyism wouldn't need free activism (while democracy builds on it) (2) too big expectations on singular activists to prove their skills, compared to state-money boosting the leftist scene e.g. in Germany, plus (3) despite what people say, free activists always seek dialog with discretion, and avoid any campaign before agreements with all parties involved. So, the function of this text is to get people contact or recommend you, and backlinks - because that is the basic requirement for activist work. * Das ist ein Posting, welches gebündelt die Frage beantwortet, wie man verändert - außerhalb der großen Politik mit ihren langen Parteikarrieren, welche abgehoben und für die meisten Menschen unerreichbar ist. Auch kann seit einigen Jahren konventionelle Lobbyarbeit nicht mehr so wirken wie früher. Die meisten Deutschen leiden derzeit unter dem Klima im Land, man muß dazu nicht viel sagen. - Ordinär und geizig, belastet es die Geschäfte und Sitten. Hiphopper, die nicht klar deutsch sprechen können, spielen sich pöbelnd als Patrioten auf, sodaß sich der Unmut über all sowas später an den Falschen entlädt. Viele Verkäufer sind am Rand ihrer Nerven wegen rücksichtsloser Kunden, die Justiz ist überlastet und hat den Glauben an gute Absichten der Bürger längst begraben. Menschen 35+ fühlen sich verletzt, denn die Chancen, die sie sich nun von verwöhnten 20-Jährigen vorwerfen lassen müssen, hatten sie selbst gar nicht. Ein normales deutsches Leben beginnt in, und zerbricht an öffentlichen Schulen. Die wichtigen Soft-Skills wie Benehmen oder was im Leben Sicherheit gibt, sind politischen Glossen aus der Zeitung, Ideologie und Meinungen gewichen. Der Lehrplan wird kaum eingehalten, zumal der Lehrberuf großenteils eine Arbeitsbeschaffungsmaßnahme für überschüssige Akademiker ist, wo sie nicht wissen wie man mit Kids umgeht. Um denen dann wenigstens überhaupt was mit auf den Weg zu geben, übertreiben sie: Andere wären faul und "eben nicht innovativ", die 'Cleveren' setzten sich durch, 'Karriere' und so. Viele Teenies verlassen unsicher-arrogant und hoffnungslos politisiert die Schule, um an Berufsschule/Uni so weiterzumachen. Sie leben fortan diese Lüge: Haben nur den Schulabschluß als Stück Papier, und spüren, nicht viel gelernt zu haben - um Jahre teurer Bildung betrogen worden zu sein, das ist unaussprechlich. Und so lassen Menschen tagtäglich aus Unsicherheit Dinge los, die sie normal nie sagen würden, auf der endlosen Suche, ein unstimmiges Weltbild zu kitten, statt neu zu beginnen. Von daher verbreiteten sich falsche Meinungen, wie ein freiheitliches System nach westlichem Muster funktioniert. In Wirklichkeit aber nicht durch überall gelebten Journalismus oder politische/Werbeslogans, sondern durch angenehme Lobbyarbeit und aktiv-Sein, wodurch man zeigt, daß man sich kümmert. Nie etwas zu wagen oder sich nicht zu informieren, ist auch nicht konservativ. Selbst wilder Aktivismus wird heute von Lobbyisten voraus- und eingesetzt, zuweilen um zweifelhafte Ziele zu promoten. Manche Lokalzeitungen etwa berichten über unbedeutende Spinner-Demos als sei das alles, was außerhalb von politischen Parteien geboten werde - um Wandel zu verhindern, indem man Andersartigkeit als Chaos hinstellt. Dabei gelten z.B. Selbsthilfegruppen im Volkmund zurecht als 'gefräßig', wenn sie düstere Realität anderswo zu kaschieren helfen. D.h. ihre Arbeit geht zu Lasten anderer Minderheiten. Dann ist da die zuversichtliche Annahme, was der Einzelne (zumal außerhalb von Netzwerken) alles leisten kann. Parteien sind aber so durchideologisiert von jungen Heißspunden, daß Menschen mit Gewissen dort ausgegrenzt werden. Man mag meinen, Aktive würden halt außerhalb von Parteien "was auf die Beine stellen" können, doch das ist nahezu unmöglich. - Der Staat pumpt pro Hochschule und Jahr mehrere hunderttausend Euro in linke Studierendenvertretungen, angeblich um Rechtsextremismus auszugleichen. Oder moderate Aktivisten auszuschalten: Auch wenn das nicht wirklich die Absicht ist, sondern man sich mehr in diese bequeme Dynamik verrent, wo isolierte Aktive an Drogen kommen und es dann so scheint als ob das eh zwangsläufig wäre, also man besser gar nichts tue. Gegen diese Summen und was dranhängt an Kulturnetzwerken und Campusradios, kann niemand ankommen. Bei vielen Zeitungen und neuen Medien liegt daneben die Vorauswahl von Stories bei verunsicherten Praktikanten - denen alles außerhalb dieser zwei anerkannten Schienen "positive Sicht auf Bildung" und "das Herz ist links" als nicht ernsthaft erscheinen. Linksextrem-Sein wurde hoffähig, weil diese Leute mit dem entsprechenden Label Journalisten den Griff zum Wegwerfen/Relativieren mitliefern = offene und ehrliche Lösungen dagegen erscheinen als gefährlich, und werden zensiert. Auch das arbeitet der Dynamik zu. Doch hier liegen auch Chancen. Internet-Aktivismus wurde lange verpönt, ist aber nichts anderes als ein Ersatz für was die Sozialwissenschaft kaum mehr bringt: Belegstellen für Probleme, denen sich normale Menschen gegenübersehen (Mobbing, soziale Härten). Aktivismus in dem Sinne bedeutet, daß junge Aktive ein neues Fundament bauen, das nicht so leicht anzugreifen ist durch Vorurteile. Nach zirka 5-10 Jahren Arbeit sind sie dann auf dem gleichen Level und Potenzial wie Lobbyisten - wenn unterstützt. Ein paar Flyer zu drucken und Plakate mit einem Slogan, das ist keine Kunst; aber diese jungen Menschen wollen vorher mit Persönlichkeiten von Zielgruppen reden und sich vertraulich abstimmen, um keinen anderen Initiativen in die Quere zu kommen. Das jedoch wird leider oft nicht wahrgenommen, bzw. gar das Gegenteil vorausgesetzt. Dies wäre das dritte Mißverständnis.Daneben hat die im Bundesjustizministerium ausgeheckte Kampagne gegen Google und Facebook die gewünschte Wirkung gezeigt: Es gibt kaum mehr Abstimmungen per Email, und sichere Übertragung wird leider kaum benutzt. * Was Aktivismus leisten könnte und an Chancen sicher eingeräumt würde, wird spürbar anhand von Photos wie diesen 2, welche anhand des Beispiels von angenehm auftretenden Einzelnen wohlwollende Erwartungen der Gesellschaft veranschaulichen. Die heutige Occupy-Bewegung ist demgegenüber Dreck. In der Regel braucht es nur wenige Aktive, mit denen man auf Basis von Diskretion und dezenten Signalen redet. Ich möchte Ihnen ein Beispiel geben, was möglich wäre: Unsere Zeit wirft bekanntlich viele Menschen weg, insbesondere junge, die unser Land aber dringend braucht im internationalen Konkurrenzkampf. Wie auch immer man das Wegwerfen nennt: Schulmobbing, Callcenter, Zeitarbeitsfirmen, mobbende Hiphopper, Bologna, etc.. Sie möchten eine Bewegung gründen, die Pflicht und Recht des Einzelnen betont, sich politischer Äußerungen zu enthalten und neutral zu bleiben ohne schnelles+gemeines Urteil. Stattdessen selbststrenge Gewissensprüfung zu betonen, um die linksextremen Tendenzen wie Occupy/Anonymous/WikiLeaks auszugleichen. Menschen könnten online auf einer speziellen Seite ein Profil anlegen, wo sie Nachteile ihres Leben konstruktiv aufarbeiten und das dann verlinken. Statt nur die Möglichkeit zu geben, Eliten wüst zu beschuldigen, wird so vorgelebt, zu schauen was wirklich war, und zu vermitteln, daß ihr Leben sich in deutschen Regionen abspielt - nicht in der weiten Ferne oder Weltpolitik. Damit verhindert man, daß sich Streß+Unmut unberechenbar auf Dritte projizieren, und Leben dort sinnlos zerstört werden. Das ist nur ein Beispiel, hier gewählt um zu zeigen was sich auch ohne politische Themen erreichen ließe, und Leuten zu helfen ihr Leben mit sich ins Reine zu bringen - und Sie wissen, wie sich sowas rumspricht. Man rennt mit sowas offene Türen ein, denn das kranke Klima derzeit gilt als Stabilitätsrisiko. Doch scheitert so ein begrenztes Projekt bereits daran, daß auf uns Wenige alle möglichen Vorurteile hektisch übertragen werden (und die besten Leute arbeitslos enden = sich nicht leisten können, die nötige Serversoftware programmiert zu bekommen). Um den diversen Vorbehalten zu begegnen, finden Sie auf unseren Internetseiten sogar Anleitungen, wie man im Internet sicher unterwegs sein kann ohne Angst. Allein, es geht unter. Ich möchte den Text an diesem Punkt enden lassen - Sie finden auf den angeschlossenen Seiten wesentlich mehr zu allen Aspekten. Es geht nicht um Geld (denn man weiß welche Leute in der Regel auf die Weise unterstützen, und das belastet einen mehr als was es bringt), sondern Weiterempfehlung und Verlinkung. Städte wie Augsburg haben noch/wieder Projekte dieser Art, und es ist viel Gutes möglich. Nur sind die Aktiven wegen der Vorurteile in ihrer Region etwas vereinzelt, während von weither aus Asien, USA und UK die Zuschriften kommen. _______ Brief zum Text. Ursprünglich war übrigens geplant, es über Links zu diesen beiden Texten aufzuziehen: (1) Medizin vs. Pädagogik, und Dein Leben [eine Art grundlegende Autobiographie > zu Lasten der Medzin ausufernde Sozialpädagogik] sowie (2) ein Update zum Umgang mit med. Gutachten bei der Bundesagentur für Arbeit . Aber ich fand das zu negativ; man würde so vllt. in eine bestimmte Schublade kommen. - Vergleichen Sie die Anspielung oben, auf unterschwellige Beeinflussung durch selektives Berichten der Lokalpresse, was in Augsburg ein Problem ist. Viele Katholiken hier (in ihrer angenehm realistischen Ehrlichkeit) nennen es bezeichnend 'satanische Zuckerwatte': süße Plüschtiere und harmonieseliges Weichzeichnen, kontrastiert durch Stories über 'bescheuerte' Minderheiten. In diesem Klima ist jeder vorsichtig, was sie/er publiziert, und - der zweite Weg gab die Gelegenheit, Probleme/offene Fragen auf eine sehr angenehme Weise zu erledigen.

In recent weeks I wrote a difficult text, which documents my life from the angle of an abused childhood, asking how that affects chances in later life.

Many young people nowadays have the very same problem: A too strict childhood compared to the declining level of culture e.g. in Germany. These teens and twenties have long youth welfare office-reports against them. They are bullied, so they can't finish vocational training (compare the Bologna-reforms). Considering the many reports about them, you'd assume these to be real troubled ones, while actually they're the most decent at a point of time where society tolerates worst behaviour e.g. of hiphoppers, only to project disgust, elsewhere. How can the first deal with the complication of their CVs, and explain, how can you clean your life career?

It became an admittedly long-winded essay, intended for social science. Contrary to the German original, it features some transgender aspects to make it more human and readable, though these were not decisive.

( Load more... )

Some ideas. Written in a hurry. :)*

• In life, often it's the claimed bright things which are a lie. When affected by it, you like shadows. Darkness also means being grateful for little things.
• In life, often it's expected to have been in the darkest places. Medical students have to dissect rats and other corpses, in order to become a good doctor. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
• The first few months of every human's life are spent in complete darkness, and love.
• The gothic movement is a reaction on affluent society.
• What people fear of religion (too many ones claiming to be good Christians while actually they just want to be seen in church, and use god/prayer for career+power), and Christian priests often can't dare to speak out about that. Alternative religions do and so help keep church clean.
• In ethical associations (the German term for lodges), people treat each other in a respectful way. Also mocking and bullying like in everyday life, or politics, that is being kept outside a coven.
• (when being compared to it) Satanism has four meanings: (1) Christian satanism in the sense to accuse others of the sins you committed yourself = untruthful Christian. (2) A motive in the bible which makes aware of evil - it is this what improves many to be human, reflecting the hurt they otherwise would cause by doing evil, and the dangers that sin changes yourself. (3) People seeking freedom (compare Goethe's Prometheus), playing with the dark motive in order to raise awareness, mock lies and live an alternative culture *when actually things are so bad, hopeless and depressing* it would break everything if you tried e.g. to have nice stuff and some happiness. You know these kinds of moods, living fun as if nothing wrong would mean to ridicule yourself and your/others situation. (4) Occultic groups which are no better than (1), trying to turn the motive of freedom and justice against the ones who long for it. These satanists claim to be satan themselves, extra-clever and others just wouldn't get it that human nature is evil. (5) Satanism in professional life: You claim to seduce people to do evil and commit fraud, but actually, you having the power to fire them means it isn't a devil's pact of free will, rather justifies to throw them away and distract from your guilt, blaming others you forced into it. This form is mostly to be found in lower hierarchy, no businessman behaves like this. The most wide-spread meaning is (3), a movement for freedom over centuries.
• Privacy ("occult") protects the individuum and what's precious to her/him. To accentuate it means respect, not to hide something. Compare this to offensive advertising: A secretive person grants others the same level of respect, and leaves what means much to others untouched. = Doesn't forcefully give it associations, or involves her/himself in an unpleasant way into life of third parties.
• People who believe in nothing above themselves, are dangerous. When the bible speaks about non-believers, doesn't it mean these kinds of people?
• In our times, many people die alone. It's not a bad thing that some of us visit graveyards a lot, looking at old headstones and maybe even ruins. It honors them when noone does. Mourning people feel this band, it's the question of senseless loss in life. You'll never see any gothic person disrespecting graves.
• Looking into ugly things means to value the opposite and beauty, to remind oneself how precious this gift of life is.
• Today it's the right to believe in rituals and to be a spiritual & decent person, which is under pressure. Rogue states always attack this hideout of your own identity. Different beliefs are closer than what divides them. The biggest threat for a religion is the person who lives without a soul.
• If you are being asked shortly about your religion, never explain when there is no time, you can say where to find introductions. A real believer (whatever religion it may be) will trust on her/his own studies, because their god(s) expect that. Only the atheistic type seeks for definitions, because for her/him ratio and plausability is above the deity.

Since weeks I'm in a workaholic phase. First in the sense of been depressed around Christmas/new year and getting done nothing though all day long, now too much production on hold. It all appears too fast, and I fear to deliver bad quality. Or *again* deeper studies on what's already been said. - Many blogs, despite talking about news, actually stay very similar, and from some point may dissolve. The author may not notice it, but the reader will, and it can depress. On the other side, the blues is a part of life and many search esp. for that, since everything else seems dishonest to them.

If you like these kind of dark "occult" views, then this blog entry may be something for you.

*

Did you ever have this problem that you accused yourself blogs you wrote may steal time from readers without giving something back in return? I'm a person who tends to self-accuses and -harm, for many of us that's a part which makes life possible and safe. It depends on the background and if for you it's dark, light may not always be the appropriate starting-point. You want to get from darkness to light or some illuminating flavour which makes you feel good -  not untruthful light + stay there, because that is much darker. Maybe this world would be a better place if more people went through this hell.

*

When I talk about disappointments, I mean in the sense that blogs wasted your time, or were insensitive to you having a family to take care of. Too dark or too much lifestyle so that the other side may feel bad about it?

Another thing would be, a reader lacks time to organize your online life, and with that I mean the strange reality that 15 years after the web was born, still it requires a lot technical skills to follow blogs efficiently.

*

This sort of depressed phase I'm currently in has to do with what I'm working on:

I want to build a movement which harbors respect and love, something where people who feel hurt e.g. by rude behaviour of others find a place on the web they can link to, and don't have to explain too much. It could give identity and express why e.g. a person lacks features or may be too sensitive compared to the norm, feels lost in a crowded city. Because people assume their lifestyle to be granted to everyone, while it is a question how pure you live your life. Of course there are self-help and interest groups, but most don't thematize the climate we live in, and that makes much of this sphere dishonest. The considerateness is in part granted to distract from injustice.

I'm going through occult movies and websites, to keep this difficult journey realistic and far away from utopia. You want to make sure such projects to be successful and safe, whereas fear artificial darkness.

*

That also means studies on how much effort it is for others to access a web page, technically (typing address bar and to actually find what they search for spiritually and to connect, without the site being repetitive.

I currently am too exhausted to use energy on searching for nice royalty-free images because I'm caught up in such conceptional studies where there's hardly any ground, and a one-girl team: that darkens my sky a bit, and I feel not to have the complete picture because I'm standing too close.

However, the question is legitimate: What can you expect from a person who wants to have a life, with kids and husband/wife/long-term boy-/girlfriend, this real thing, it's a topic for me who won't have that. Do you expect her/him to visit your stuff every day, is it probable she/he will use automized ways like newsfeeds, or always access the same page so that actually in long phases of you in ivory tower you make people mad or rather depressed? My blogs have many regular visitors who come back, and out of insecurity these friendly persons usually give less feedback than new ones, what they expect.

Esp. since your project lacks life-affirming images/videos, and they know those are the things you'd like to add most by heart, just are too pumped out for this, can be an unpleasant scenario to watch. Or should you make a theme out of your such lacks?

*

I don't like this depressed view on things, otherwise, being open about those problems can free your mind. Because, spoken bluntly, we all have this problem we can't talk about. How would it look to admit that you don't have your online-life as much organized as you'd like to, and don't feel satisfied/fulfilled? In part that is technically impossible because technology moved so fast that it has lots of bugs and things like feeds not working like they should.

*

What I wanted to give you with this little entry (there'll be another this night, nicer things) is a true image of my concerns. You want to make things work in a way pleasant to people. Considered how much ego-ware is online in blogs we tolerate each day, disappointment can have an subconscious effect how we see this world. To make things brighter and more entertaining is what I have to take care of, soon, just I wanted to express why the appearance of my blogs may look weird.

Currenlty I'm working on a big blog about these concerns which will enable me getting feedback for decisions, so I hope you excuse the shortcomings. If you want to see I'm still alive X) [kidding] you can always access bookmarks I came across recently.

I'm a workaholic kind of person, so when there isn't much to find in my main blog, that doesn't mean that I did give up. - In activism, the latter impression actually is a big problem: You see people active for a few months and exchange emails, then they disappear, and the cruel thing is they don't say anything. Sometimes that is out of respect, but you never know.

If you're unsatisfied, or you miss something in my blogs, have a question or wish, always feel free to contact. I want to keep this channel open.

http://rt.com/art-and-culture/news/occupy-wall-art-space-171/comments/?d=1?#


@Chris Herz
I wouldn't be too sure the cultural sector to be directly influenced by foreign nations' governments. It's known that politicians on federal state-level often use tendencies from abroad as "modern" argumentation.
Also, Anonymous actually isn't a poor movement. They enjoy the support of countless other groups, sufficient for whatever start-up financing required (flyers, professional posters, access to media, makeshift housing for demonstrators).
The hopes of countless people loosely tied to these groups deserve attention - Anonymous already captured plentiful of it from all sides. But it's up to them now to finally make something out of that, and handle it in a way that supporters and third parties won't get hurt any more. So far, there's not even a clear line what regards criticism of human rights violations in their own respective countries. More funding won't change that, to the contrary suit nationalist tendencies within the system which argue that alternative groups were a silent threat to stability.

http://rt.com/usa/news/anonymous-protesters-spray-pike-089/comments/?d=1?


@Tom
+1 It's a joke how Anonymous tries to involve. They're too late, and no different than populist politicians. In 1-2 years they'll work as lobbyists or in PR + call that "citizen journalism".

*

November 24, 2011, 19:17 quote

Mahlknecht wrote in #11

"Picking on a specific individual helps to hide the desease of the whole system. I wonder if Anonimous is not helping that system by putting the blame on a single individual..."

You mean the system of self-appointed transmitters, who presume to "translate" necessities to the "naive" citizen? = Make weak fun, naturally dependent on later interpretations. So establish yourself as "hope" ;). Then sell out and let politicians explain what the people "try to express somehow". Western European pseudo-left - mighty funding by the state mostly in the youth/educational sector, and that means other groups will never be as loud+noticeable. People are being left no choice other than to support what seems big enough... Hopefully over Anonymous they'll soon explore that the scene has so much more to offer.

For only 30€ I bought DVDs of these five on the internet:
Stigmata, Darkness, The Good Shepherd, Nothing But The Truth, and Hannah (update Dec. 28th: except no. 2, none of these convinced me; 4 was ok).

Darkness I already knew, but didn't have a copy of in my collection; felt I needed to crawl back in time.

I'm a slow viewer, not yet through The Gift, such a great movie I missed back then! Yeah, half of your life you existed only in books, never really catched up. I like this kind of compromise now, self-chosen music+news videos online & plastic, no television neither radio. =)

The past weeks were kinda difficult, a mood problem now ~left behind. Among other things, I had to decide if I should sue my ex-employer at the labour court. According to German law, you have three weeks time to lodge a claim, and I had eczema/needed some distance. It got better yesterday due a new antibiotic medication my skin-doctor gave me. I've been kinda depressed because I feared permanent skin-irregularities, the time one has to prevent these is limited.

Next problem then was, I couldn't find a lawyer on time. I didn't expect it ~five days close to feast days, and normally I would have reacted a week sooner, but I doubt it would have made any difference, their schedules are full at the end of a year. That meant I needed to study the relevant texts myself, and people who know me, well - my (later) parents wanted me to become a lawyer. But they had legal fights with my biological father and youth authorities over years, so that wasn't a good idea, and such old wounds are not easy to deal with. Another difficulty was, if you're employed with time-work at external contractors, things soon may become too complex.

But, it's a strong case and I'm positive that my rights will be protected. I might try to get some additional advise next week; but today it was just important that this enrol was at the post's office to stay within the allowed term. In the end, dangerously neared closing time, and I had to hurry.

In the evening now just will try to relax, I'm stressed out.

*

Recent weeks also prepared for the next release which has deadline 28th. I will distribute it in religious/humanist circles, a bit of pressure because it has to be in English. Ironically, today found this article at VOAnews; sort of expresses some typical concerns of sometimes maybe too pedantic Germans. lol

Btw. I have a new neighbour, a physics student coming from the Erasmus programme. It was about time! I didn't exactly like the last one. Maybe I'm more like the neighbour-type compatible to foreigners. Really do enjoy living among many, eg. people from Asia. <3

http://rt.com/news/occupy-corporate-movement-financial-185/comments/


@oxi
Great comment! Yeah itself, the occupy movement is full of greed - to not care on time and expect others to do it for'em, whom then of course they call "evil". They usually won't criticise corporate greed when it occurs in real/job life, where they are hanger-ons.

@funnoy
There were reports about German poverty. Demonstrations in Berlin and Frankfurt districts can have some impact, but mainly when being interpreted+used as 'proof' for an existing political agenda. German labour unions of many well-paid sectors are quite powerful, so this may as well lead to more injustice at the expense of the middle class and poor people. It's certainly a tendency one watches who is interested in social justice.

comment at Four Difficult Questions Regarding Bullying and Youth Suicide; also compare her thread The Unintended Consequences of Cyberbullying Rhetoric


I fear to generalize (long comment), and so just stick to experiences/me+friends today. I’ve been a transsexual teen (m2f). The stories are all similar in the scene, TS been mislabeled e.g. by youth welfare workers as ‘maybe’ mentally ill. Later many of us kinda further exploited by weak teachers who need outsiders. It’s difficult to talk about this, pedagogy/education sound so positive.

As a teen, you felt being misunderstood by just too many sides, so you tended to give up/accept self harm or suicide as an option of dignity, your beloved secret. Classmates for whom your existence was a guarantee to survive puberty without shame, weren’t the real problem, only adults who made it this way.
Practically all young TS I know of/met are or have been in psychiatrical treatment due to new forms of mobbing copied from ads+satire (nicknames with sexual connotation whereever they show up). Therapy/councelling may feel like further mockery – they tell you it’s your own behavior you needed to change, and by going there you admit+hurt yourself?

Desire for death is widespread in the scene but can also be a source of strength, less likely to ever get in the direction. Part of your identity maybe, a metaphor for lost years, while the offers of initiatives usually deny the price you pay in life.
And I ++agree, isolated “positive” results and how they are being presented, can lead to new discrimination elsewhere, as many straight people are sensitive what regards dishonesty. These side effects weren’t analysed by many studies about bullying?

Are Teens Meaner Online? / http://blogs.voanews.com/digital-frontiers/2011/11/10/are-teens-meaner-online/#comment-14274


"'Teens will always be teens, life will always be full of conflict', says Pew senior researcher Mary Madden, a report co-author." - the typical premise of many so-called studies?

They seem to focus on the role of parents, not on the more decisive effect e.g. of teachers' jokes and political statements, which can lead to being 'mean' out of insecurity/created peer pressure. This is the main critique of education systems everywhere, but rarely addressed in such statistics.

"... was administered ... to 799 teens ages 12-17 and a parent or guardian" - does that sound as if they took teens, seriously? Today, "teen" starts aged 11 the latest; it's the time where many of them reflect bad education intensively. Such you of course likely won't hear when parent/guardian aside - and the link to the questions on this website is broken, so it's not transparent at all.

_________
yes, 'so-called studies' was ~overstated.

(20120211) After I read through my above comment, I wanted to add that " was a bit too much. X) But I guess it's good to be open about this dynamic: If you publish comments which have to go against the mainstream, you try to cover all doubts, and quite often that's not possible though required. In the same way researchers are expected to feature acknowledged mainstream positions. Today scientific studies seem rather to stimulate discussions + open up. Much of blogger culture to be fair takes shortcuts just announcing releases of others, in order to seem more competent and do conventional networking, whereas with the claim of alternative web-culture. That makes it difficult for all sides, as these references give a supportive mandate rather to existing approaches, and this is a reality one also has to accept. The criticism was meant against this mechanism [elsewhere; you know the PR-student types of blogs].

http://blogs.voanews.com/digital-frontiers/2011/11/10/are-teens-meaner-online/#comment-14274


"'Teens will always be teens, life will always be full of conflict', says Pew senior researcher Mary Madden, a report co-author." - the typical premise of many so-called studies?

They seem to focus on the role of parents, not on the more decisive effect e.g. of teachers' jokes and political statements, which can lead to being 'mean' out of insecurity/created peer pressure. This is the main critique of education systems everywhere, but rarely addressed in such statistics.

"... was administered ... to 799 teens ages 12-17 and a parent or guardian" - does that sound as if they took teens, seriously? Today, "teen" starts aged 11 the latest; it's the time where many of them reflect bad education intensively. Such you of course likely won't hear when parent/guardian aside - and the link to the questions on this website is broken, so it's not transparent at all.

__________
yes, 'so-called' was too much

From this annoying job which ended Monday, I still have a stress eczema in my face. You can treat most of these little dots up to a certain level without actually avoiding stress, either using a brimstone-zinc paste to suck out the inflammation, an erythromycine salve, or -smaller ones- correctional cosmetic pencils (e.g. by Vichy). Next week I'll go to my dermatologist, as it's already one week.

Well, overshadowed the time, but it turns out in a positive sense. Ok mobbing tears your life apart, these ideologized conflicts and the fear to be fired maybe without notice. Later it will make way for the anger in your heart&soul, till things smoothen, and you can adjust maybe in a new reality. - I believe that fights modify life more than one would assume, esp. when you're rather corporate-style attituded, and it has to fit together, again. This requires an alignment of goals and style you choose, not easy since values meanwhile are usually being promoted by alternative types. Opposites attract but how is this believably presentable in a world where medio- and hypocracy skins itself in brand clothes? You wonder, how can e.g. musicians live with that? Music=arts, but the quality level is so high there that it's a contradiction, and so badly paid considered, I mean for most?
I found much encouragement by what colleagues wrote, and plan a cute promotion next week. Needs to modify the drafts I have so far, which were designed solely for medicals, the other main target group.

During this work, my notetaking software's index database showed corrupted over filename encodings (Windows latin1 of attachments). With a GB-sized material-collection, that's trouble; document-scans trusted to be safed when dragged into the application in fact weren't, since weeks. 2 days of work, reconstructing things from a backup. In the end, few two lesser important documents were lost, and now I'll keep notes seperated from files, on an ext2-filesystem partition.

Compared to what existing cloud computing drafts present, the desktop world seems so much more advanced and pushing its limits for everyone, that little things can take up time. You're unsatisfied that you maybe care too little about others in your surrounding - beneath the problem that in some phases you don't know if it's friendly to keep in contact, that is also clearly a software problem. Because up to now there ain't blogging services where they can choose a priority for important things they really want you to read, + measure you by as a friend who cares, or not. You're following hundreds if not thousands of update-streams, but doing so you miss messages which should mean more to you?

http://rt.com/news/russia-gas-gerhard-schroder-781/comments/?d=1?#


@Adam, Benjy
Why assume foreign influence in the first place? Take for instance the early measures which he says keep Germany competitive - they are not less cosmetic. Among other things, they constructed an apparatus of new rightwing bureaucracy + e.g. made unemployed people Boogeymen for everything, in order to "steelen" society. But there's still >20% real unemployment, and the "innovations" he blusters about would require the very same workers just thrown away.

Then people see him doing business with gas delivered by a nation known for moderate views on socialism. - So, is it really to wonder that many accuse him of opportunism/"sell-out"? That doesn't say anything about the matter itself, but describes much of the skepticism. It is not one doubtful of Russian business.
Mr. Schröder depicting his critics in government circles as somewhat old-fashioned likely won't help here, it might rather build up new walls where dialog would be needed.

*

(Intro in notebook before publishing:)
There was a reply questioning the unemployment rate by repeated official numbers, which always forces a ~detailed rebut. I don't know if that piece makes it into the thread, as just a sideshow. Anyway, that would be the upcoming answer:


November 09, 2011, 14:28

@Lars Schneider
The official statistics are a joke, I guess we both agree on this. They don't count e.g. 'long-term' unemployed people or ones in these ridiculous re-education courses, neither the masses of students kept at university with no realistic job opportunities to hope for in later life (compare the protests against Bologna), etc. The department of labor internally has different numbers than those published.

Ok, statistics are known to often accentuate the positive, but the comparison as if Germany acted earlier than other European nations is problematic, as the methods chosen are being considered unethical.

Living Ana-style is like a filigree vein of natural opium /
Bulimia the instant high for wearing phases of life?

Assume you are ~conservative regarding work. Unfortunately some German hiphopper-types in your team. That of course won't exactly be an harmonic coexistence.

So you're on the phone with business customers, and someone around you loudly talks in "hey dude"-slang about "chicks", so-called "asshole-customers" and switchboard-"sluts". The "paranoid" contractor's quality check will be mocked as "Mossad lead prevention commando", a corny joke making them giggle (QC's currently in Israel, him measuring website-traffic via web stats + they don't know that it's a standard procedure). Their leads are trash ("they have so much stuff there somehow I believe this is a *rock-solid* sales opportunity for sure!!"). But that doesn't hinder them from being so damn self-confident as if their lazy work was pure competency and them the motor of success while others allegedly hesitated. It's a pattern of behaviour copied from career magazines, a plague in German business these days.

Close to explode in anger, but can you allow yourself to show it? Your displeasure has good reasons: With medium-priced headsets, customers will hear all the background; chaos there lowers the sales quota, that leads to pressure which may get another colleague who's less cocky fired for some reason. There's also a personal side to it: Your family paid a lot $ for your education trusting you won't dishonor this. Sorry but that's the way you feel about it, like a decision of conscience.

*

Work means devotion: You show up on time, refrain from private talk, give what you can, are polite and serve the customer according to the goals of your company. In return, it will always be fulfilling, provided it's not being disrespected.

Fights in professional life are stressful, for the increased risk of you getting yourself fired. In the current climate in German work life, you're likely to be called "not team-compliant" = an obstacle to success. Faked sales leads are deeply embedded in motivation-ideology, and to some extent -whereas unwillingly- meanwhile factored in the outsourcing industry's calculations, because too many players use greenhorn-agents. If you question them, it means you are in danger of being seen as if you stood in contrast with the company's goals in general. Then long meetings where they extra long-windedly tell you the basic requirements of a sales rep. implying you needed that, this to prepare termination, and you have to carefully distance yourself from that every single insinuation - a forced reaction which again only will be interpreted as "negative energy"; this game can be nerve-wrecking! You finally suggest and obtain an agreement to let you leave the company in peace within a few days till you find a new job, however some hotshot may try to get you fired right away by slander at the timework company. In the end, you consider yourself lucky been terminated in a way you get unemployment benefits without blocking period, afterwards.

It's a reality of hundredthousands work lifes in Germany. Damaged CVs just because others behaved like jerks. You wonder if there should be a movement to clean all this dirt and relativate things, pointing at the ideological madness of our times, where 20-year olds claim to know what business etiquette is. It's rougher than movies can show it. Out of insecurity they just lash out at others, suspicions of bad behaviour towards people who don't force success when the usual methods haven't even been tried yet. Sometimes you ask yourself, are these parts of unwritten Western business etiquette dying out?

http://rt.com/news/occupy-portland-arrests-park-985/comments/?d=1?#


Kihnu (unregistered) wrote in #9
"RT management and staff sure understand the visual impact of carefully selected photos."

Society expects that in the lack of other material? Many newspapers here (Germany) wrote about this in a way quite out of proportion, on their part to show that any kind of critique can only be stupid. So won't hurt to get another angle, you don't have to believe. And, in a way the whole thing appears like a mirror of society's laziness? People long for change just don't talk to each other neither support what's already there>government+outside?

"Saturday night, OWS demonstrators moved towards City Hall and continued their protests without attempting to 'occupy' any place." - At RT's they seem to have kept a good sense of humour! :D

I've had a bad week (can't talk about it/climate in working life), and now try to catch up with the schedule in the private part. Somewhen soon I want the blogs to be closer to subcultural topics. However, currently I can't afford a cheap 2nd hand notebook to make use of the time I spend on trains+metro (~4h/day), and in the evening often I'm too tired to work.

Yesterday thanks to nice support I finally managed to subscribe at Pinboard; Paypal doesn't support Linux and Google Checkout in Europe lacks (customer>shop) payment by mail. So to replace the old Google Shared bookmark page did take months. Updated the opml-import file for newsfeed-readers, and overview, accordingly. For now it's just news/?+software-links, there will be more like credits, music and other fields in a few weeks.

I've had to do with some aspects of my current Linux-configuration at work, and will try out Fedora this afternoon to gain some more distance.

http://rt.com/news/richard-stallman-free-software-875/comments/?d=1?#


(3:46+)

Assume a handful of people with lots of money uses propaganda to attract some followers. They call the scattered result a big "movement". These folks will install+launch this virus on their home-PCs, which then will bomb=effectively censor political websites. Ones which stand for other opinions, and freedom.

According to Richard Stallman, that's "basically legitimate" provided a bunch of people do this so one can call it "representative for what people want". - The naive legitimation which helps shield any of these fake human rights groups powered by lobbyist EUR. Does the GNU project really need to promote itself this way?

This weekend was poor. Since Wednesday I'm often lying in bed, another bad cold which began as a lasting sore throat, now slowly gets better.

Today I made progress cleaning a German blog which could become a quite popular place somewhen, for social justice, but from a business-friendly angle. It's a project I don't exactly enjoy, since it smells political and I fear people to confuse this. However, also have to gain publicity to make things safer. Still needs a lot of work.

*

On Friday, had posted another comment on RT. Occupy is :X dead and you want to encourage in a nice way that they should end this desaster of protests conciliably, with good political art maybe. I guess not to be the only one with that.

Though I much dislike the anti-Freemasonic graffitis. It's strange I mean the Craft is not related to them, but it feels like they're brothers. Maybe because you'd love to build structures like these/~silent admiration and what I miss in ours.

*

Next week I'll be working in Munich again. I hope my voice will soon improve, it's rougher than Jason Statham's right now. :O

Now feel very tired, and will watch some movie, the Crow 2. I didn't like the overall tone; still, some relaxing scenes.

In our living community, since weeks we have a water damage in the bath/toilet row. Yesterday, someone here told me how it came to this, and that was so funny I have to blog about it.

*

I'm living upstairs on the second floor, above me is a tiny roof truss. In the 70s, the previous owner wanted to build something garden-like on this then flat roof. ~Little basin and a shower, which both required running water. A dead frog would clog up the drain; they found out much later, and had enough. The roof soon was redesigned, this waterpipe up there to be buried within the wall, sawed down+put into concrete. A valve closed off the water, somewhere hardly accessible in one of our toilets. Certainly noone would ever care about this.

Well - wrong. In multi-cultural flat shares, there are lots of students interested in how things work; maybe because they look different in their home countries, or simply general curiosity. A funny British guy checked the ingredients of the woodchip wallpaper in his room which he picked with his penknife; then couldn't get enough of it, and a huge section of wall above his desk and bed got 'levelled'. *lol*
Clothes horses are the next pitfall - how to get these things back together once unfolded?

Now, someone seems to have had the need to test what this unapproachable valve in a dark corner behind the toilet actually does... :? And afterwards, she/he, whoever it was, didn't care too much about screwing down this thing to the previous state..

The cleaning ladies here are kinda bone-idled tattletales, they just blabber a lot and of course didn't report this yellowish-green mould (it would be different if such were in a tenant's room, then they report, reproachfully). On Twitter at the time I joked that this piece was freakin' fast like in Species; and noone of us knew where this came from. For weeks, the wall astonishingly resisted all the water pressure. Finally one of our Chinese girls complained, and craftsmen looked after it.

Btw. our landlord is a very nice one, no greed, instead helpful and tolerant. As soon as he hears such and is sure, it will be fixed; when such happens we feel for him, because costs a lot of $. However, he kinda laughed about it, wondering who the hell was so stupid to open this long forgotten dusty valve, leading to a dead end?

*

Later yesterday, I wanted to take a shower. Here on this floor, we're alltogether (2 living communities, but more like appartements/cylinder locks, sink + cooking plate in the room) 12 people, I guess currently 14. Due to repairs one of two showers worked, and I used it. Now I got another surprise of some dear neighbour's, well - reluctance to say something when indeed they should ask on time. -

Just begun, the tube behind the hothead teared off. Judging by traces of attrition, it must have been like this for quite a while (and of course again just me being the one who'll actually leave a note for the landlord). - Noone of course would buy such a thing, and so, till middle of next week when he's back, they'll all shower like with a clipped off garden hose. :D

*

Yep, that's flat share life and if you don't mind surprises, you may consider yourself young+casual.^^

maybe just Little Sarah Monster

hanging around in a fucking tiny school chair
imagines the teacher as the devil
selling them all futuristic psycho-drugs

the old lady talking about youth she tries
to be close to, while actually her ~younger?

beheaded dolls
compliments to pics on DeviantArt

pieces of shit posing with jocks
what they say youth is, provocate/motivation

for the parent it's "Little me!"

someone at home aged 9 on the carpet
counting the wallpaper's Victorian flowers

__________
Elly/Sarah Monster from The Crow
old lady you knew from university "the churches try
 to get their hands on'em". for her youth=resistance
beheaded dolls, so ++/e.g. Birthday Massacre, Blue
compliment was ~13 year old girls commenting
 bondage/fetish pics there showing 'precious to them
they reduce youth to mean explanations>provocation,
 Christian "byting the hand that feeds 'ya"+play idealism
found quote/'parent' in Vogue or Elle, by Kate Moss(?)
Victorian flowers not exactly, modern ornament equal

Since yesterday I slept a lot (or better>tried to), and meanwhile I'm ~ok. Had a strep throat for some time now, which finally goes away.

Shortly before closing time, shopped for some food. Which then was lowfat pudding and -milk, diet cola. Often clueless what to get when in a supermarket. People with an eating disorder know how it feels>rotten place with infectious things, esp. if said to be *healthy*. You fear the chashiers could come to the conclusion you'd steal, and then buy 0.1% junket, chocolate or waffles.

As I came home, met one of the Chinese girls downstairs in the hallway. "Hello" - she: "Hallo" followed shortly thereafter by an German "Tschüss!" [~bye]. That was funny, I mean noone says the latter in Germany when just meeting shortly, but Asians are very kind people. :)

Three little and quite basic replies by me under these articles (search for user "js"):

http://rt.com/news/us-wars-corporations-gravel-925/comments
http://rt.com/usa/news/anonymous-protesters-spray-pike-089/comments

I found the threads inspiring as usual. Kind of try to connect to this long for freedom even if one's not familiar with the flavour. Since Anonymous is foe but not really criticised (though they've done worst in comparison to harmless things punished in the past), you seek for something else, not sure where to find it, neither disloyal.
Groups and the extra scope for development they enjoy. Sometimes it's what seems limited freedom compared, which sets us free?

A week ago I replied this on YT to someone who wrote a not so nice comment under a thinsporation; maybe you like it:

"The song relies on the motive, and features criticism? Some good arguments, undecidedly listing mainstream, false and more true explanations. Christian prayer to make it safe, accusing her of lying.."

Lyrics

_____________
from their homepage: "So here we are ... making the world a better place for young people! Outcast Youth is about music, education, hope and communication ... we're giving a voice to the youth and a soundtrack to their lives!" (link/was that the webdesigner, music label, their teachers or what?!)

http://rt.com/news/us-wars-corporations-gravel-925/comments/?d=1?#


When he sees corporate culture leading to the "destruction of our planet", this seems a bit simple? In many areas of this world it's state structures and esp. soft science which fail to fulfill their regulative duties, to define standards. Good democracy or socialism means one has to check e.g. what kids get to learn at school, if that is system-compliant. Control and less latitude there equals a key to freedom.

Sometimes one wonders if what divides us from these great people who changed things in the past, is that they had so little. Today economy's mainly taught as a miracle of being big, and conformation & ideology as a key to success in business life.

"Corporations are expected to earn the money others take for granted", an often arbitrarily stretched saying. People can break its dynamic by showing conscious commitment to the nation and business/economy, poise one actually deserves what's being paid.

What many politicians somehow don't tell is that science, medicine and politics e.g. are fields of ideologic mobbing, ~taboo. Instead they say this is not good enough for a new century, or for the people?

I'm unsatisfied with myself; it seems you're never able to keep schedule with spare time goals. But maybe people at times want just a glimpse at one's life? So I tell you how I spent the recent two days.

Craftsmen in our flat share, the bath and next room to mine are still loud construction areas after the water damage.

Longed to finally get a decent cloud backup solution, and decided in favor of Ubuntu One and Keepnote; wasted many hours on Sunday going through my files, along this asked myself if really important or just pedantic distraction. Anyway, this is how it looks like on my Ubuntu 11.04-desktop with note-application maximized ... (20120125>dead link, alternative screenshot).

*

In the evening a nice friend from university times called. Still have contact to a few people. Another one who's got a false conviction I now sent the link to a German text with references to it back from 2008; maybe he'll never talk to me again.. :> but it's actually a good thing. I can't stand it when people who need to defend themselves hesitate, but make others feel like they could help, and it always got me down to meet him in the city.

Job search looks promising, tomorrow another local train to Munich. I'll take what I can get, though the weekly ticket for train/metro till December will leave me broke. :$

This weblog has many silent readers, sometimes it's a bit scary to me>question how to meet expectations? I hope they use newsfeeds. Generally I'm optimistic. The nice plan I spoke about regards a German blog to be rebuilt as a community. I want to start a movement around it, very fine way of protest. I'm convinced it will work.

And I wrote another piece of boring but essential basic text on activism, posted as a comment somewhere. Wanted to do this anonymously, but the name was auto-filled by mistake so it doesn't matter/alias blown. I try to learn from these somewhat tolerated blogs which I'm ~distanced to. You want to leave friendly signs; in Germany there's much 'globalized' anti-system critique, sometimes it feels good to publish balancing things. In your belief you are sure there is a forth way beyond left, right and humanist.

My life at the moment: On my mp3-player Katie Jane Garside, Switchblade Symphony, diverse Techno and Trance compilations from old CDs. Sore throat/back pain. Corn flakes in the morning, crispbread or pretzels. Few days chocolate diet, then noodles+veggies as bingefood, and plenty of Cola.

It's Saturday evening, and I'm relaxing a bit. The past days I've been looking for jobs in Munich, with a cold/sore throat and this strange clarity from slight Insomnia. Besides, it's not easy for Andro-/TS to find something, anyway. Part of recruiters are convinced dead cert we're just an usual leftist minority "like them all" [Occupy]. It's this certainty as if it just has to be like one catched on state radio, which angers. I don't take these 2-5 out of 10 easily/hate'em. But, along came good experiences, too. Yesterday agreed to an interview on short notice, running to the next fast train €|. But taken alltogether, these efforts will be worth it. Provided nice interview partners, one can learn a lot.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" - [unspoken:] *In hell!* :>
blooper: "Ich hatte ein wenig schlechtes Glück" ("I had a bit of bad luck" - in German that sounds funny, as the usual term for bad luck is "Pech", exclusively lol)

The backdraw was that I now actually lay in bed with stomach ache till 16:30, dozing off and awake with a start shortly thereafter. My diet switched towards *whatever glues the damn thing*, but with relatively few calories.

My 2x1GB memory arrived, and now I have the unfamiliar comfort of 2.5GB RAM. Set up my system from scratch today, now Natty Narwhal (Ubuntu 11.04/Gnome 2.3). Also, The Crow 2 came (bought used on Amazon), and I'll watch this now. I leave it there, hope you have a good eve, too.^^

In the public part of life (human rights activism), it looks like my dreams will come true in not too far future. =)
Along, finally changed the aliases of these projects to something more representative:

• The Twitter-profile now has my real name as part of the address. The old alias was fine, but too artsy and maybe misunderstandable. It stood for how many people see greed as a law of nature. This change now is temporary.
  
  Twitter advises to let friends know about username-alterations:
  

  "It is advisable to send out an update to your followers before you change your username, because any replies or messages sent to your old username will not be associated with your account once you've changed to your new username." Link

  
  
• The German callcenter blog is named, accordingly. This place will become a community to give nice people a voice who usually have none. 'Callcenter' only ties to the culture of living artificially, it's not necessary that people have to do with the business in particular.
   
• This blog here is now accessible at not-really-goth.livejournal.com. It was in a trivial movie-quote. A hint to problems with identity. You have too little time/space for yourself, which is also the reason why this blog is sort of slow. 'Not really' means more openness about that many labels don't apply to the individual, and the problem how to define yourself, how much you should try or not. And about the danger to be labeled falsely, while most are a peaceful nature with hardships in life.

The old names here on LiveJournal will continue to work, but I'm not sure about the newsfeeds, for whom you can download an updated bundle, here. Renaming on LJ costs 15$ each. I found it worth this; with deep changes (affecting comments etc.), one may need support. They promptly corrected a mistake I made, yesterday, when I renamed the wrong place.

Today was less than I expected in terms of work, and more as I hoped for>nice things. :)

At first, I felt a bit down; couldn't afford the clothes I normally would, for a long time/you feel lost where to start with limited $. It's the climate in Germany: You are what you look like, as we all have the chance on a big career, allegedly. Since I have a job appointment in Munich tomorrow, considered some andro-looking jacket - but the stuff in men's apparel depresses me.

I started at Clockhouse, two cardigans. Though I've been there in the 80s when I was little (many>late 70s years have problems with that/memories of family shopping), it's ok and I often buy at C&A. Finally found a coat my size.

*

Later buying at Müller's drugstore, L'Oreal 'perfect match', foundation 'le teint Vanille', pressed powder tone 'Beige Doré'. The row is among the products salespersons recommend if you have skin-problems and you can't afford the stuff cosmetic pharmacies keep.

Also, I bought a new tiny hairdryer (really was about time; this at Saturn), household stuff, and movie The Gift which I will be seeing now. Normally, films I'm after are out of print/sold out it seems, or I can't find them because only know the English title. X)

*

Diet was a little desaster, today. I ate 6 bread rolls to bind reflux, 400g salad with some ready to eat 'chicken cut into strips', 600g diet pudding/joghurt, 50g cola gummybears, 1 tin of red cabbage, 1 small tin of diet mackerel, 2 veggie-tofu patties, 4 medium carrots and 3 paprika peppers in light chinese soup - so basically I went for everything at home. :> However, my bad cold had returned and well I rarely eat enough, so the body at times forces you. Will take 2 days off the scale in order not to freak out. It's good when you know to reach your goals, regardless.

Today I got the $ from my last job. I feel not really to deserve it - fetched a bad cold in early October which is still not gone completely, and you know what that means for telesales agents' quota, even if you are relatively strong and on sick leave only for 2 days. X) So they quit + released me from work two weeks (general procedure in the industry when in probation period). Alltogether I got 900€ salary for the past ~five weeks, to last for a month (that's slightly more than 1.200$ US).

And I really needed it. This time I was so worn out and hungry for salad that it kinda hurt. I'm among these who need much organic food from the safe-list, otherwise EDNOS-bulimia turns out a bit rough. Hopefully will find a new job real soon (have some offers in Munich), to enable that better choice.

*

So what did I buy from it? First thing in the morning, on the way home from the bank/supermarket I ate a bread roll, then 400g salad with some lowfat chicken stripes, and Optiwell diet pudding. In the afternoon/evening, 2 breadrolls and 25g cola gummybears because I felt shaky.

Inbetween, first shopping day:
8€  food/cola
250  rent for flat share room
10  4 washing coins
95  friends who need $ (we donate each other when broke, this was my turn after they helped me approximately in same amount, recently. *little vital networks of support* :) )
31  2gb Memory for my computer on Ebay (up to now, I have 512mb)
20  AKG K-315 headphones after I trashed the previous ones (they don't last long with me LOL)
24  new skater-shoes/soles
53  needed meds from pharmacy (35 for eczema, 18 cold)

I now just came back from the drugstore, where I found none of the DVDs I search for. Want to allow myself 1-3 titles at -10€ each per month, at the beginning of this one (only title on my list in the store at the time) it turned out to be just Salt director's cut so far. I like the nonaction-scenes most, fear/worry and her showing this transition to self-confidence. I only see movies at home so one has control and replay (besides, many German cinemas today turn up the volume insanely + movies not in English). There's so much in them.

*

Regarding engagement, something nice is coming up towards the end of this week. I'm sure to update again, tomorrow.